Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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