Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
