I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
