I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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