spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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