In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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