I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
