so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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