Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
