My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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