I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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