Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
