My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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