Betty ford says i'm here all night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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