I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
