What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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