remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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