You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
