Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
