Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
