Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
