hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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