My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
