I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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