watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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