i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
