Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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