She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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