I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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