sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
