I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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