your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
