About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
