i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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