I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
