I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
