please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
