its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
honey bunches of taint.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
