you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
