I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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