walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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