Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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