i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
