I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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