Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
