dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
