She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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