he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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