I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
