Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
