you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
