i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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