Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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